I was mesmerized.  So many people are, so very many.  When I look back I cannot for the life of me figure out why I did it.  Maybe it was my short attention span.  Thank you so much for that cable television.  Maybe it was out of laziness.  Still looking for something to blame other than myself for that one.  Maybe it was the bright and shiny prospect of renewing things that were lost or in the process of being lost.  That one is squarely on me.  Whatever it was started out as a good thing.  It was great!  It was fun.  It was interesting.  It was the no pressure, no expectations, spare time diversion I needed for some reason.  If I had a minute I did it.  If I had a hour I always found my way there.  Then I started to notice I was doing it just to do it.  For no good reason.  By that time though it had been months maybe a year.  What was accomplished? Nothing really.  Any original thoughts on my part?  One or two but nothing appreciated by those around me.  I was in a funk when it started and it did nothing but feed that funk.  It made it seem OK to be uninspired, uncreative*.  I made futile attempts to get out with no positive results.  Like Michael Corleone said in that piece of crap Godfather 3 "Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."  It was all too easy to stay hooked.  I learned nothing.  I didn't grow in any way, shape or form.  In fact, I atrophied mentally in a way.  I was a mafioso.  I was a farmer. A vampire and a zombie for a bit.  I even had a fish tank that ended tragically just like every other fish tank I ever had.  All that played a big part in the void in my life that only goes by one simple compound word:  Facebook.  

I was truly in a funk.  I couldn't come up with an original thought.  That was fine though because all I had to do was type one simple sentence about how hot it was today or how "I hate Mondays!" or even a simple "TGIF!!!" would be enough to get some mundane response of "so true".  If you were too lazy to do that all you had to do was hit the "like" button.  It was mind numbing but I fought my way past that.  The problem was I began running into people from my past who I hadn't thought about in years and that's the rub.  That is the thing that keeps people hooked I guess.  Old classmates old girlfriends/boyfriends.  I never ran across anyone new or made any new friends.  The only time I ever saw a name I didn't recognize it was someone looking to pad their friend count or it was some girl wanting me to see here pictures on some other site.   At first those internet whores were the only annoyance for me.  I didn't take that stuff personally but the personal stuff was sneaking up on me.  

There's a quote that says something to the effect that friends from your past are not part of your present or future for a reason.  I couldn't find the exact quote or who said it but I heard it about 10 months ago right as the announcement for my 25 year high school reunion came out  (go ahead do the math).  It was one of those moments that you only understand the true meaning of it all after it is too late.  At first I was into it for whatever reason.  I had never been to a reunion before why was I excited now?  I volunteered to help organize it.  Either my absence from past reunions or the fact that I didn't run with the "in" crowd kept me out of the organizing group.  I added old classmates to my friend list and made the requisite inquiries into what has happened since high school.  It became less and less exciting as time went by.  Some people who I thought I knew well so long ago didn't know who I was.  "That's strange" I thought to myself.  Some people dumped me as a friend because they had "too many friends".  Too many friends?  What the hell is that**? There was one former classmate who made a very non-specific apology about being "mean" to whoever.  It was very self serving and insincere.  It really pissed me off.  Not that I remember her doing anything "mean" to me specifically.  If that poison ivy she was trying to pass off as an olive branch bothered me how did it effect those who she was supposedly "mean" to?  

I'm starting to rant but I really needed to get this stuff out of my head.  

My point is Facebook kept a heavy thumb on my creative side, it slowly sucked my soul from my body and now it was stirring up thoughts that I unapologetically let go a long time ago.  Why are these dark clouds coming back into my life?  Why does it bother me so much?  I hit the ignore button but the request just keep coming in.  I love it when they ask me why I deny the friend request. I was going somewhere with this.............oh yeah.  Tonight the proverbial straw was laid on the hump of an even toed ungulate.  He was creepy and mean in 1985 and he is still creepy (and presumably still mean) in 2010.  He took a shot at me tonight.  We're not friends now and have not been since 1st grade.  25 years of not seeing this guy and the the first thing he does is go after me.  He knew nothing about me then and even less now because I am not even close to who I was then.  I won't go into the whole story but I made a comment to someone I knew.  It was a very self-effacing comment.  He didn't get it and used it against me. 

I really don't want this in my life but it just gets worse.  I want to write more silly stories that people actually take time to read.  I don't need for everybody to like it but I do want to know people can hold their interest long enough to read more than quip about how hot it is.  I know how hot it is and yes I am aware when it is Monday or Friday.

*Originally "uncreative" didn't seem like an actual word but according to Merriam-Webster online Thesaurus it is an acceptable antonym for creative.  

**I believe there is a difference between the social network friendship whores and people who just know a lot of people

As i drove home i realized some things i like about working late hours.

- no fighting for a pump at the gas station.  Not usually a problem during the day but it can happen. It NEVER happens after midnight. To me at least.

- The smell of Krispy Kream.  I won't eat them but damn they smell good.  I never just casually notice the smell during the day.  Don't get me wrong i would eat them but I don't want to suffer what it does to my body.

- Freak watching.  Man they come out at night.  Sure they exist during the daylight hours but they usually disappear into the crowds of so called normal people

- no traffic

- Shopping at 24 hour grocery stores. I like having the run of the place.  Although the occasional mom with 4 kids under 8 shopping at 2 am is disturbing

- The weird ass stuff on TV. I got to watch Westworld and Futureworld back to back the other night.  Then found an infomercial for "adult toys".  A whole half hour dedicated to it.  WOW!

- it is quiet. bugs always sound so soothing at night.  lightning storms are always so much better too.

- and my favorite thing is getting home and being able to relax witohut having to think about cleaning the house, cooking dinner or any other household chore you will inevitably have to deal with the next day.  Especially since you don't have to work until the evening.

I probably mentioned this before but why when they are doing roadwork at night do they have to have the blinding lights? I understand they have to be able to see what they are doing but come on.  I saw these things from miles away.  I knew what was coming.  Still I could not avoid shielding my eyes from what seemed like the equivalent of at least two suns. I even muttered out loud "this can't be safe".  The construction crew was taking up two of the three lanes but I managed to get through the gauntlet of retina burning lights.  The story would end there but it doesn't.  Guess where the crew was working?  That's right they were behind the lights that were so prominently pointed at on coming traffic.  They weren't even using them for their own damn benefit! 

I got a new cell phone.  I use T-Mobile because I like them.  They have been very good to us.  The thing is they didn't have the iPhone, which I wanted.  They did, however, come out with the G1. Very similar to the iPhone but better in my eyes.  It does everything I need it to do: web browsing, texting, lots of handy applications, lots of silly useless applications, a camera(both video and still), GPS and it even makes phone calls!  The selling point for me was being able to slide the touchscreen to the side to expose a full QWERTY keyboard.  My fingers would not have gotten along with the touchscreen keyboard of the iPhone.  I know this because "The Phone", as I like to call it, also has a touchscreen keyboard which I hate.  I really do need to name it because it has become part of my family. It firmly holds its place just below the boys and far above the dogs.  That is until I drop it into a cup of coffee.  Which I don't drink but managed to lose a previous phone in that fashion.

Gadget update #2.  I had to get a new computer.  Well maybe I didn't HAVE to but I did anyway.  You see Frankenputer decided it didn't like the internet any longer.  I troubleshot it as much as I could. New router, new communication cable, new modem and I even had someone come out and check our line coming into the house.  No luck with any of that.  So, we got a new ...........wait for it................LAPTOP!  Yay for me! I am so damn happy that as of tomorrow I will not be tied down to this desk.  In the future I will not have to write these diatribes from an uncomfortable chair. No, I will be able to do that in the comfort of my own bed.  I do have to get used to the new operating system and not having a ten key pad and I have to figure out how to transfer files from Frankenputer but all is good, right now at least.

Would anyone be creeped out if I revealed that I have become quite fond of not wearing underwear?

We are selling our house. Yeah I know it's crappy timing but we really can't stand this town any longer.  I see lots of paint stained clothes and much cussing in my future.

Don't ask me what season it is here.  I could look at a calender and tell you what season it is supposed to be but the temperature could tell you something different. August is a killer here in St Louis typically but it has been unseasonably mild this year.  I know that could be argued but that's how I see it.

Season 7 of Curb Your Enthusiasm starts September 20th.  I can't wait.  Now I just have to get HBO so I can watch it.

All the boys are in school full time now.  Since I work mostly nights I looked forward to this time.  Time I call "Doug Time".  Strangely enough that has yet to happen after two weeks.  Seems there is some woman in my life that is scheduling my time for me and "Doug Time" is not in that schedule.  Hmmmmm

Thanks for reading and no I don't have the power to give back the time you spent here.

Here is something I wrote back in March.  It was just aching for the right medium to be released on.It has been edited from the original to better fit here.

Now that I am done in the yard I have moved on to procrastination in the matter of getting the house ready for my sons b-day party tonight.  Groupee is just as good a place as any to accomplish the current task.

I was recently asked 2 questions on a interview type of internet website.  I don't know how I found it but I did unfortunately. They didn't leave enough room for my answers so I bring them here.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
My first answer was "because it was safety pinned to the punk rocker." An early 80's pop culture twist on the classic riddle which fit into the prescribed character count allotment. Then I thought of a better one. One more original (at least for me) and one that reflects a side of me. My second and final answer to the question: "To escape from the vegan activist who just wanted to give the chicken a hug for, presumably, also refusing to eat meat or meat based products . Ironically, the chicken was chased into oncoming traffic and was struck down by a charter bus full of the local PETA chapter on their way to protest the deplorable acts at a nearby chicken farm."

<climbing on to soapbox> You know if chickens were bigger and had canine teeth, like us, they would have no problem picking our hot sauce smoothered bones clean given the chance. <climbing off soapbox and summarily destroying it>

Question number 2

Your favorite Disney film? (I question if that is technically a question but what do I know)
My answer: The Pixar franchise, right up to the point where Disney realized the concept was profitable and stopped treating them like an unwanted step child. With some research I could tell you what movie marked the beginning of Disney putting it's official stamp boldly on the movie but I don't have time. This came right after they had all the old school animators cryogenicly frozen and stored in some bunker beneath Space Mountain with Walt's head"

See they are a bit wordy.

I saw a truck today that had numerous tasteless bumper stickers. One said "Show me your hooters". I assume since the "h" wasn't capitalized the owner of the vehicle wasn't referring to the restaurant by the same name. Another sticker said "NE1469". I understand the message it is trying to convey but I'll just let you figure it out. There were more but it was these two that made me think of a couple of bumper stickers I'd like to see:

"I HATE BUMPER STICKERS!"

or

if you are into the nearly incomprehensible brevity thing "I H8 BMPR STCKRS!"

The problem with those first two is the irony that oozes from them.  That would probably bug me.

Two more that might not make me retch.

"My other bumper sticker is tasteless/funny"

or

"My other bumper sticker has sociopolitical merit"

I also went to Wal-Mart today. I didn't buy anything I just went to feel better about myself. While I was there I saw an entire end cap(Those that have worked in the retail business will know what I am talking about) dedicated to the display of pre-formed bandanna head coverings. I shivered for just a moment. Then I realized there are at least two questions you will NEVER hear me ask:

"Anyone seen my bandanna?"

or

""WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS DOESN'T COME IN PINK!?!?!?"

What does pink have to do with bandannas or Wal-mart? Nothing, it just came to me.

Doug fact- I used to have a bumper sticker a long time ago. It simply said "Fear". It was a tribute to one of my favorite punk bands by the same name. The problem was too many people associated it with the "No Fear" clothing line of the mid to late 90s. Unintended pressure from these simpletons forced me to remove the last bumper sticker I would ever have on any car I've owned.

<knocking on door>

Hello anyone here?  It's me!  Yeah I know I kind of bailed.  I just felt this party wasn't going the direction I wanted so I left.  Sorry.  I did go to this other party and I saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while, which was cool.  problem is everyone there was kind of boring.  It was exciting at first but then I realized that they all were talking about the same damn thing most of the time.  Problem is I checked my original thought at the door just like everyone else,  I just didn't realize it.

Truth is I am fickle,  if that is a good word to use.  A.D.D. maybe.  Social nomad?  I don't know.   the other truth is I have been in quite the funk. 

I just stopped in to read an old story I was thinking about and I realized I really liked it here.  I need to take more notes and turn them into silly stories. 

No promises.

Was being forced to go cold turkey off the Doug hard?

The thought of our choices of President in our two party system bothers me more and more every 4 years. I was raised in a strict conservative household. I think it was 6th grade, We were asked to make campaign posters for who we thought should be president. Carter and Reagan are the names I remember. I made one for Reagan because that's who my dad was going to vote for. All I ever heard, in a nutshell, was "Carter bad, Reagan good".
My depth of political knowledge was only that deep at that age. As the 80's progressed and the Reagan years came into full swing I moved as far away from the Alex P. Keaton necktie wearing Right as I could. Mainly as an act of defiance against my father's ideals. After high school I slipped off the left hand side of the scale and became what most might say was an anarchist. I don't believe in anarchy now and I didn't believe in it then. I started to believe that all politicians were full of crap.
I did join the Army but not for political reasons. I joined because I wasn't ready for college and it was a good way to get money for school. For six years I drove a tank for Uncle Sam. Six years and I could count the political conversations on one hand if I were a three toed sloth. Being a pseudo-anarchist did make me stick out a bit but I was smart enough to stay out of real trouble. I did, after all, want the college money. Getting kicked out of the military meant no college money.
After the Army and as I grew older I found myself thinking about Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative things again. It was a slow progression but I found myself thinking more like my dad. "If you're not a liberal when you're 20, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative when you're 40, you have no head." There are many variations on that old quote and attributed to just as many. Doesn't matter who said it or how, that has been my thoughts up until recently. Lately, I've found myself on the fence. Instead of leaning left or right though I find myself kicking at the hands that are trying to pull me either way.
I thought I was feeling almost too nostalgic over the last year or so. Now, as a write this I think I may be regressing, at least politically. All politicians are full of crap! ANARCHY FOR THE U.K......um.....er...I mean the USA!

Smile! In four years we get to go through it all again.

The boys wanted to ride their bikes to school this morning.  All but Max that is.  I drug out the little kid trailer and hooked it up to my bike.  It is designed to hold two kids but barely had enough room for my oldest.  He was fine with it though and we were on our way.  Things were fine except for the occasional sudden stop my youngest would make. I almost fell over twice to avoid hitting him. We all got to school without any new potential scars and they went to class like any other day.  I loaded up their helmets in the kid trailer and set off for home.  As you could imagine my ride home was much quicker.  As I approached the house I had to cross in front of a car to get into my driveway.  It wasn't a close call by any means but I did crank the pedals a little harder  to get out of the way.  Those couple of extra turns of the sprocket and the fact that I was making a hard left into my driveway caused the kid trailer to roll over on to its side.  It dragged behind me but did not pull me over.  I'm fine.  I did chuckle though when I thought what must have been going through the head of the person driving the car as it passed. I'm sure it looked completely horrific to them.  I did worry for a second when I thought they might call someone to check out the possibility of child endangerment.







The kids call it the "chariot".  I guess I did have a Ben Hur moment

I want to say right off the bat that the following link might take you somewhere to see something you might not want to see.  It's not gross or perverted.  It just might not be your cup of tea.

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

T-shirt design

Now , if you saw the design, imagine it on a mother picking her child up from elementary school.  And to think I thought I saw the worse.  I can't wait for what's next.  Anyone want to buy a house?

Please reference this for the first part of the story. It has been a couple of weeks since that post so i hope not to confuse anyone.

 As he looked into the churning water he suddenly felt an unexpected firm push from behind.  He expected the worst.  In that split second all he wanted was to have his feet securely under him.  He was not that lucky.  He then promised himself  if it were to actually happen he would turn around and head back through the foreboding forest and find his way back no matter what it took.  It's amazing what your mind can process in such a short amount of time.  before he fell completely he was jerked to a stop as a tug on his belt tightened around his waist.  He was now dangling half way into the unknown. He thought he was the only one out here but apparently the same hand from nowhere that he was pushed by is now the same hand holding his fate.  The swirling pool looked so inviting before but now it is a truly scary place. He looked back to see who or what was keeping him in this limbo.  All he could see was a face.  It was a familiar face but there was something different about it.  Different enough that it was almost unfamiliar. 
"PULL ME BACK!" he shouted but remained in his precarious position.
"Please pull me back" This time without the shouting but still the words fell on deaf ears.
"What can I do to get you to pull me back?"  The desperation plea came too quick but still no response, either physical or verbal.
He just hung there.
Totally at the will of this familiar stranger.  Time became indefinable. "Had I been hanging here minutes? Hours?  Days? "  He thought to himself.
The longer he was held there the more it didn't matter which way he went he just wanted to go.  Either way he would be able to get on with things.
Into the dark unknown or back to find what he once knew. 
Anywhere is better than now.

I used to hang out in the front room.  It was well lit.  The conversation was something I could relate to.  Maybe from time to time I would just sit quietly in my easy chair and listen.  Still, I felt llike a contributing member of group.

Then one day I woke up in a dark, tiny room in the basement.  I found myself listening but it was hard to hear through all the other noise.  i opened the door to my cramped room to try and get a better listen to the conversations I once participated in .  Problem was the conversations were so intermixed with the other noise that I no longer recognized it.

They are having fun up there I'm sure but that door gets harder to open.  I don't know if I want waste any more energy trying to get out that way any more.  There's cool new kids in the house. 

I'm OK with who I am but I have to make a decision.  Do I:
a) bust out of this dark, musty hole and make my way through the noise and give my well wishes as I make my way through the front door
b) bust out of this dark, musty hole and cuss the noise as I slip, unoticed, out the back door.
or
c) sit here, doing whatever it is I do, and hope that I can get used to the noise and learn how to deal with it.

Only I can figure out that answer. 

*I really hope no one comes down here to pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be fine.*

Most will not like my channel music but it is something I was into starting back in the early to mid 80's.  I'll change it as soon as I post a new story.

The name of the band, Dead Kennedys, is not slam on the unfortunate assassinations of John and Bobby.  It is supposed to be a commentary on how American society shifted to the Me generation of greed  and the "what's in it for me" attitude that began around 1980.

the former lead Singer Jello Biafra was and is very outspoken on his political and social views.
I think he is a very interesting person even though he may be very  controversial.

the songs lyric are dated but what do you expect when you write songs about the then current political environment. 

"California Uber Alles"
Dead Kennedys

I am Governor Jerry Brown
My aura smiles
And never frowns
Soon I will be president...

Carter power will soon go away
I will be Fuhrer one day
I will command all of you
Your kids will meditate in school


California Uber Alles
Uber Alles California


Zen fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face
Close your eyes, can't happen here
Big Bro' on white horse is near
The hippies won't come back you say
Mellow out or you will pay


California Uber Alles
Uber Alles California


Now it is 1984
Knock knock at your front door
It's the suede/denim secret police
They have come for your uncool neice


Come quietly to the camp
You'd look nice as a drawstring lamp
Don't you worry, it's only a shower
For your clothes here's a pretty flower...


DIE on organic poison gas
Serpent's egg's already hatched
You will croak, you little clown
When you mess with President Brown


California Uber Alles
Uber Alles California

I would have posted a video but Jello is kind of hard to watch.  Besides they never made videos just live stuff and fan produced videos.  Check out YouTube if you are interested..  I won't force it on you.

More organizing = more discoveries

I found an old newspaper from April 28, 1984.  it is our small town newspaper the Edwardsville Intelligencer.  No real news mostly local interest stuff.  You'll see why I still had this paper in my possession.